Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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