Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
