How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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