the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
