apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
