every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
