He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
