the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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