this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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