i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
