Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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