I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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