just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just googled if crying burns calories
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I am one with the molecules
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
