are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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