You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
