I'm jealous of your bromance
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
