Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
