Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
