ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
