Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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