I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
