Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
