i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
