Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dignity is for republicans.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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