I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
