I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
