well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
