8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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