My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
