I will die if light touches me.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
