The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
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so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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