But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
