five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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