I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
