i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
