There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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