i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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