Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
