I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
