Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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