Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just found puke in my bra..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
