So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
