Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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