I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
