i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
