Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
