I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
