i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
