we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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