I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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