Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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