you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
