Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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