Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
