What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
