You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
