also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
