Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
