I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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