think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
