Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
