This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
