Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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