Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
