I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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