i barfeds in our rink
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
