I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
