Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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