do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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