i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
