hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize