what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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