I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
