i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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