I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
