I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
