his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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